I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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