I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
