I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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