just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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