I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize