Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
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