he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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