do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
