I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
