Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We have so much sex to catch up on
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
