She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
