Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
