I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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