The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
