Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
