Those balls look pretty dangerous.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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