he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Randomize
