It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
