that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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