made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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