it hurts more in the daytime
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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