Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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