so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
