i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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