She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
