I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
