I hate your face
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
