What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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