It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
