wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
