I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
All the doctor said was why
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
