wrigley field is MILF paradise
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
