eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
