super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
