I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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