once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
