Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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