i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
