bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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