I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
