there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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