I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
