dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
