i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
