Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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