Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
