Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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