We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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