I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
There r osticjed everywhere
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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