yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
