this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
