I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Sorry my hands just texted you
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
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