shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
