i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
