my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
