i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
