Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize