Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
