Cold hands, warm shart.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
