i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
