I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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