New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
