I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize