Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I can text with my tongue
im about as happy as oj after his trial
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
