where am i from again
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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