Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
