I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
