The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
