Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
