i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize