You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
