So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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