Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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