Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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