woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
