Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
