Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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