If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
