thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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