my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
That accounts for only three of the penises
I have feelings that need drinking.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
