so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize