I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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