Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
