Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
