I think I died a long time ago.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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