You're my little dorito
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
