What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
