Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize