What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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