I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
