I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
