I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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