Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize