kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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