I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
