6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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