pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
