dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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