I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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