The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
