Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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