Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The beer is more important than you right now.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
