it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
