Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just invented taco cereal.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
