cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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