uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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