what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
