i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
