Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
