I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Randomize