Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
